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  1. Things About Lanetta (Me)

    I was born and razed in Shew Fly, Alabama, but then I ran away from home with my first husband (Vernon Biddles). Ever since, I have rezided in the Birmingham area and live in an undisclosed trailer park outside of town dew to the fact that Vernon Biddles is still stalking me.

    Been married 5 times, but the last one didn’t count dew to poligermy charges brought against my not real husband

    I give speaking engagements, but will only accepts cash AND I insist that a carton of cigarettes be included if the speech last longer than 15 minutes.

    I’m a Life Coach for stupid people

    I Works the front desk of the “TRAILOR FOR SALE OR RENT” mobile home park rental agency

    I am also Assistant Manager of shoe rental at the Three Strikes Your Out Bowling Alley

    I Once stopped a potential robbery at the Dip-n-Lick Ice Cream Parlor when I hurled my Mt. Dew Icy at the purpurtrators groinal area. He dropped the steak knife and ran.

    I Dated a man she met on a computer date’n cite, whose ex went missing about the same time. Soon after, a shovel covered in fresh dirt was discovered in the trunk of his car by the police. The ex is still miss’n and I ended the relationship after the trial.

    I am allergic to fabric sheet softeners, sloppy joes and candy corn

    After flunking 10th grade twice, I received a certificate of excellene from Hairy’s Hair and Waxing Vocational School for shampooing the most heads in one day

    I had a limp until the age of 10 because one of my legs grew faster than the other

    My favorite singers are Vestal Goodman, Hank Williams Jr. and Slim Whitman. I use to like Dottie West but she ticked me off when she never responded to my fan letters. I didn’t know she’d died a year earlier, so I wound up and foregave her.

    I once tried be a stripper when I felled embalming school, but had to quit cause I never was able to master that swinging upside down on the pole

    I like to drink beer…every day

    I like to smoke every day

    I self published my own book titled – Lanetta’s Recipe for Good Listening

    I still have lots of copies of my book – Lanetta’s Recipe for Good Listening in my storage unit.

    I once thought I had an “Alien Encounter”, but found out later that the car dealership was having a midnight sale and was point’en a big spot light towards my trailor park

    I once choked on a Fire Ball but preformed the Himolec Procedure on myself by ramming my chest onto the back of a lawn chair. The local Fire Department honored me with a plague for saving a life…even though it was my own life I saved.

    I’m the Exocutioner of my Ant Gerties eestate and am gonna have her cremated even though Ant Gertie wants to be buried. Creamation is cheaper.

    I don’t cut the grass around my trailer cause I consider myself an Eviromentlist

    My drivers license states that I’m a kidney donor, but the DMV insisted on putt’n an astorick by my name indecatin that I like to drink everyday

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